I Admit, I Paid Someone to Touch Me

Remember in my last blog how I said that we had a lot of "crazy" things planned for me to end my trip? Well one of the things that I was supposed to do was go to an ostrich farm and ride an ostrich! My uncle's friend owns a farm but the friend ended up going to the hospital because of some heart condition so we couldn't go. Instead...I just ate dog.


Ha Ha! I'm totally kidding. I ate ostrich meat today. I only have that picture from above cause some family had the tiniest chihuahua ever at the restaurant that we were at when I ate the ostrich meat.

Since I couldn't ride an ostrich I was panicked because I didn't think that I'd have anything exciting to write about. Well, I decided that I'd go ahead and get a massage in an Asian parlor (hence the title to this blog). Now, if you know me...you know that I am really peculiar about being clean, being comfortable, being safe, etc. Getting a massage at an Asian parlor is one of the last things I would ever want to do but I only did it because I knew that you guys would find it amusing.

Prior to going to Vietnam, a lot of my friends kept talking about going to Asian massage parlors and getting a "happy ending." In case you are unaware of what a "happy ending" is I have defined the term using urban dictionary as a source. "When a massouse feels inclined to finish your session w/ oral sex or manual release (usually for an extra twenty dollars)"

I didn't know what to expect going into the massage parlor. I was worried that I'd be in an awkward situation where the masseuse might try and make a move on me. I didn't know if girls would be offered a happy ending. I didn't know if they only gave happy endings on request or would the workers feel inclined to just taking matters into their own hands. All I knew was that i did not want a happy ending from these people!

I know that you guys are going to laugh at this next part...but I did what I had to do. You'd probably do the same thing if you were in my position! Well, the uncertainty was driving me up the wall and making me stressed out. To ensure that I was ready for anything...I did extensive research the night before to see what the best tactic would be in declining an offer. I read forums and articles online of people (males and females) being put in the same situation and having to turn it down. I figured that if they tried to pull any funny business on their own without my consent...I'd just round house kick them to the face. If they asked for my permission ahead of time, I would just tell them, "Nha khong, cam on" (no, thank you in Vietnamese).

While we were in the taxi I started thinking, "OMG, what if my Vietnamese isn't clear and they don't take my no for an answer? What do I do then? Will my only tactic be a roundhouse kick to the face? Do I even know how to do a roundhouse kick to the face? I ended up not even having enough time to devise another plan because the taxi stopped and my uncle told me to get out of the car. We started walking down the sidewalk and passing up all the stores and shops. We stopped at a massage parlor and I looked in. There were about 20 young Asian girls dressed in hoe skank clothing. They all stood up when they saw me, my uncle, and my mom near the door and my heart started pounding like Pocahontas' beating drum. But my uncle looked in and exclaimed, "This isn't the right place at all!" He then took a quick look around the other businesses and said, "Oh, it's next door!" My mom proceeded to tell my uncle, "That's a massage parlor for you!" I wanted to take a picture of the girls in their clothes but my mom yelled at me and told me that they'd probably arrest me or yell at me for doing it. Instead...I drew a picture to the best of my ability/memory of what the girls looked like.


Darn it, I just realized I forgot to give that hooker a belly button...Shmeah...I'm too lazy to change it. You get the picture though. Hey...she sort of looks like my sister. LOL! Don't hit me, Dana!

We got to the next place and I felt a little better because the workers were in white uniforms, looked pretty professional, and were not showing their bodies off in any way. My mom and I signed up for facials and I signed up for a massage. However, I was still a little freaked out that I might be offered a little sumtin sumtin. Then two workers asked me and my mom to follow them upstairs. If I were to come up with another plan...I'd have to come up with it pretty quickly. I knew exactly what to do at that point! I blurted out, "Can me and my mom be in the same room for our facials and massage?" There's no way in hell they would try and pull any funny business when my mother would be laying on the table next to me! Well, my mom was mortified because she told me explicitly that she did not want a massage. The workers told me that it'd be fine if it were okay with my mom. I shot my mom a pleading look so she consented =)

Feeling about 99.8% sure that no funny business was going to occur, I followed them into the room and stripped down the necessities. I then looked over at the wall and saw this sign:


At that very moment...I felt 110% sure that my mom and I were going to be okay!

During the massage I asked my masseuse about the massage parlor next door and the skanky girls in front. She just laughed and said, "It's not really a massage place...do you understand what I'm saying? They just pretend to pound your back for a little bit but then they do other stuff for money"

In the end...our facials and massages were amazing. It was only 25 dollars each =) Definitely go and treat yourself when you're in Vietnam since it's so cheap. I just hope you don't freak out as much as I did! If you're looking for a legit place to go...I can give you the information to the place I went to. If you're looking for a "happy ending"...I can give you that information too! Ha! Ha!

Crazy Things on Motorcycles

It's been raining a lot these past few days so we haven't done anything worth mentioning. I mean, it was raining so hard the other night that the whole neighborhood blacked out. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is if I wrote about my time in Vietnam for the last couple of days...it'd be pretty lame. It'd just be: sleep, shower, eat on the street, crazy food, crazy drivers, heat, TV time, and repeat. Frankly, this post has very low interest potential. As much interest potential "of those pandas down at the zoo who refuse to mate."

Don't fret...we are planning some things to do before we leave next week but, like I mentioned before, we haven't been able to do anything because of the rain. I promise to return to this blog with much more excitement than the excitement in Tim's pants when he sees Michael Yang, Ingram, Mitchell, and Charles combined! That's a lot of excitement...you can just ask him!

However, I thought that it'd be fun to show you guys some of the crazy things that I've seen on the roads of Vietnam. I keep talking about about how crazy it really is but I wanted to give you guys an opportunity to really see what it's all about. First, here is a small video clip of one of my taxi rides. You can just see how crowded it is and how it's every man for himself!

Not only are the roads and traffic nuts but the things that I see the motorcycles here are even crazier! During my whole trip, Tim and I have been documenting the most outrageous things that we've seen on bikes. I'll let you decide what you think is the most absurd. FYI, I've seen lots of people holding babies (not even three months old) in their arms while riding but I don't have any pictures of that because I'm too scared to document that for fear of the parents getting off their bikes and slapping me!


^--Here's a guy that was carrying some trees on the back of his bike.

^--These are huge vases that weigh a freaking ton!


^--This guy just had so much stuff that you could barely see him on the bike!

^--This guy was carrying a 15 foot pole.


^--I don't know if you can really see but there are nothing but ducks and chickens in his baskets!


^--And this guy had nothing but pigs in his baskets.


^--This guy was actually cooking while driving on the street. It's a little blurry but it's the only picture I could take of him cause we were moving so fast!


^--This guy was actually sitting on a bench that was placed on the seat of the bike!


^--And here is the craziest thing that has been on the streets of Vietnam! Ha! Ha! Not really but driving on a motorcycle in Vietnam was my "crazy" thing to do for the last couple of days. It was pretty scary. I thought we were going to get into an accident like...11 times. I also think I swallowed a bug while riding. My uncle took me around to grocery stores. It was pretty cool because you just drive up to these little tents and ask for product (all while staying on your motorcycle). And then he took me to downtown Saigon which was really cool because I got to see the "upscale" side of Vietnam. There were beautiful French buildings and ginormous five star hotels everywhere!

So that's pretty much it for Vietnam so far. I'll leave you with a funny picture. See if you can find my grandma!

I Need To Get Out Of Here!!!

Guys...I was sitting in the taxi today, looking out the window, and I thought I saw a semi-attractive gentleman. Oh my gosh, I've been here so long that the locals are starting to get attractive to me! I really need to get out of here! Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm only kidding.

Not a lot has gone on because my mom has been making me visit all these relatives since we now have the "time to" since Tim left. Speaking of Tim...it's been pretty lonely since he left. I feel like I can't converse with anyone here with ease anymore. Yes, I know Vietnamese but I struggle with my vocabulary here. My mom is also driving me up the wall. Just like I suspected...she wakes me up super early with her clanging and banging on all the walls, cabinets, tables, etc. to get ready for the day. She also gets easily embarrassed over here. I guess it's because these are her "people". But I have to keep my joking in public down to a very bare minimum. For instance...the people were measuring my mom for fabric and pressing the fabric against her body. They then gave her a price and she asked, "Why is it so expensive." So I said, "Well, if you had flatter boobs...you'd use less fabric and it'd be cheaper." And she yelled at me for that. I thought it was freaking hilarious but she said that people over here don't play about stuff like that.

Okay, a couple of you guys have been telling me that you guys plan to visit Vietnam sometime in the near future. I want you all to be prepared for what I'm about to tell you. People here make-out, sleep, sit, and pee almost anywhere they want. This isn't even a joke. I'll go into stores and the workers are sleeping on the floor. I'll be driving on the bridge and people will be sleeping on the bridge sidewalk. Almost all sitting benches will have people making out on them. I went to the zoo for god's sake and saw people making out all over the place. Kids over here don't wear diapers so you just see streams of pee coming from babies that are being held over the ledge of houses. Today, I was walking down the road shopping and I nearly tripped over a peeing man!!! He was just crouched over peeing on the shopping sidewalk for the whole world to see. It's pretty gross and you have to wonder if the puddle that you're stepping into isn't really just pee water =(

Shopping over here is really weird too. If you walk into a store...the workers will follow you non-stop. I was in a shoe store and walking and talking to my mom about how I didn't like shoes because they looked cheap. I looked over and it was the freaking worker that was next to me! My mom was behind her! It's really uncomfortable too because you can't shop in peace. They just keep talking to you and urging you to buy things. And then if you go into a store where they don't talk to you but just follow you around you just feel like they're making sure that you're not stealing from them. Shopping over here isn't that fun =( I've gone shopping like...5 days now and I've only found one dress that I liked. They really like to go over the top over here. They will throw in big bows, laces, and rhinestones on anything. If you're coming here...just get custom clothes made. Don't expect the shopping to be fabulous. Yes it's cheap but you get what you pay for. Most of the clothes here are 5-7-9 material. Finally...the sizing here is a real downer. Usually I am a small or an extra small. Over here...I'm either a medium or large!

I'm sorry if I seem to be complaining a lot but I'm just having a really weird day. So, I have gotten bitten 8 times today by various insects including ants, mosquitoes, and some other bug that was green colored. The thing is...I'll be sitting in the same vicinity of my relatives and I'm the only one that gets bitten! I look like I have chicken pox or something right now.

This is the craziest thing that happened today. My uncle is a car driver for this one family. His job is actually pretty cool...he wakes up at 5 in the morning and drives the family to go play tennis. He gets to play tennis with them too! And then the family usually takes him out to lunch. And then he just drives them wherever else they want to go. He pretty much gets paid to be their friend/chauffeur. Well, today during his break my uncle came to pick me and my mom up to drop us off at my other aunt's house. I was curling my eyelashes in the backseat when all of a sudden I heard a huge "THUD". Next thing you know...a guys face was being smushed and pressed against my window. I was so freaked out (and still curling my eyelashes, mind you) that I jerked and pulled out five eyelashes in the eyelash curler! What had happened was a motorcycle bumped into another motorcycle. The second motorcycle ended up hitting into our car. Well, my uncle said that he didn't want to cause traffic and didn't have time to stop so he kept driving!!! The car ended up having a couple of small scratches and some small dents. And the two people that got into the accident were fine because they both stood up and started yelling at each other.

Okay, these are enough complaints for today. Oh, wait! Just one more...I cannot wait to eat Chipotle. It's all I can think about nowadays! Who's down to go eat there when I get back? We can get the chi-poops together!

Charles, I've decided that I'd do once crazy thing every couple of days for my blog. Today's thing that I did was poop at an unfamiliar house in Vietnam next to someone who was also using the bathroom! How is this possible? This house had two stalls side by side. You may not think that's crazy but I have a serious problem pooping in unfamiliar places. I just feel uneasy and scared the whole time that there is a peephole somewhere in the stall. Also, I hate pooping while someone is in the next stall over. It just makes me nervous because I don't want people to know what I'm doing/unleashing in the stall next to them! I was really uncomfortable but I did it anyway for you faithful fans. I know what you're thinking right now..."You're telling me that you never pooped at school while going to college?" Umm, yeah I did but I'd have to walk all the way to the engineering school where there are virtually NO GIRLS!!!

I just realized that the majority of my blogs are about pooping. =/ No more poop stories, I swear! Consider this my last one!

Sad Day: Tim's Geisha Training is Over

It's 4:30 AM in the morning over here and we just dropped Timmy off at the airport because his two weeks of vacation are over. Before you ask...yes, I am really sad that he's gone but I'm more nervous than anything right now because I know that Tim falls asleep super duper easily everywhere he goes.


That's him sleeping after 15 minutes of being in the car after eating lunch. With that being said, I'm scared that he's going to fall asleep at the gates and miss his flights! It'll be the longest 20 something hours of my life just hoping that he doesn't sleep at the wrong times. Ha! Ha! Ha!

Since I can't sleep right now...I'll go ahead and blog for the last couple of days. Not much more has happened because we've been just laying low and visiting my relatives so that Tim could pay his respects and say goodbye to everyone. I just have to put up this picture because it's my favorite so far. It's of Tim's last visit with my grandmother in Vietnam.


My grandma kept hugging him and tearing up while he was there. And when he left...she got up on her own and walked to the door just to wave to him while he was in the taxi! The cutest thing ever...!

We did pick up our custom made clothes that we got made in Vietnam. Tim's suit looks super duper sharp! But I'm sure you knew that from Tim's drunken blog. LOL. I got three dresses made and they're pretty nice. Each dress cost me 30 bucks and Tim's suit cost him 250. If you're ever engaged and want a designer dress made...for sure get it made in Vietnam! I was talking to the seamstress that made my clothes and she told me that she made wedding dresses for 100 bucks each including the fabric! WTF.....? Super cheap right? But seriously, if you're getting married and want a custom dress let me know cause I have her contact information. She says she can do all the ordering through email. =)

The biggest thing that we did these past couple of days was go to the beach! It wasn't GORGEOUS or anything. The water was pretty much like Galveston to give you a better idea. But, nonetheless, it was really fun for me because I hadn't played at a beach for so long.


I spent the majority of my time getting crabs. No really, I did catch some crabs that day.

Yes, we bought this bucket at the beach just to catch crabs! My mom yelled at me for wasting money on a bucket so please just admire our catches so that I can feel better about spending $3.50 on a toy bucket!

I also spent a great portion of the day COVERING UP MY BODY! There were guys with cameras all up and down the beach with the high definition lenses where it goes out like....a foot and a half! Anyway...this one guy circled around me 2-3 times so Tim came running to me to scare him off. Then we started walking back to my mom and I looked over about 50 feet and the same guy was looking at me, holding his camera, and gesturing me to come to him! GRODY!!!!! Tip to all the girls: WEAR ONE PIECES FOR SURE! My sister warned me ahead of time so I wore my most non-revealing bathing suit (i.e. bikini shorts and I positioned the top to look like I was flat chested) but it didn't matter at all!

Then we decided to get some fast food because we wanted to see what it was like. Let me tell you something...they have no concept of "fast" here whatsoever. Our order came out in pieces and we didn't even get all our food until 20 minutes after eating! I'm not going to lie...after every bite I kept wondering if I was eating parts of dogs or puppies. LOL! My jokes are lame cause I'm sleep deprived right now but this is all I got, people! Here's a funny advertisement that we saw while waiting for our food.

Reminds me of my brother when he was younger and chubby.

Some of you guys have been telling me that I need to explore Vietnam more or that it doesn't even feel like I left the country because you guys will see me online a lot. But you need to keep in mind that there is a 12 hour difference over here! So when you guys are asleep...I'm out and about over here. And then when it's really late at night/early morning over here...it's day time for you guys. I have trouble sleeping over here so you'll see me online during that time. That's my justification for being online a lot so please stop pushing me to do "crazy" stuff. Because I am doing crazy stuff! For instance...I ate turtle yesterday! And...I've been eating street food almost every day. Don't think that's crazy enough? MY TOILET SAYS OTHERWISE. Eating street food gives me the runs every day.

Okay, I seriously need to sleep. I miss you guys so much. Wish me good luck cause now it's just me and my mom left. I pray to God that we don't kill each other cause we're going to be sharing a room very soon and, if you remember from my post awhile back, she will probably wake me up at 4 in the morning with her loudness! Tah-tah from the motherland!

A MUST READ! Tim's Drunk and Blogging This!

***This is a blog from Tim. He's a little drunk right now and is rambling on like a madman. I'm sorry if there isn't much organization in this blog but he has the facts down straight for the most part =). And I promised Michael Yang that I'd get Tim to blog while drunk so...here's the final product! Oh, btw, Tim kept falling asleep while writing this and I had to keep waking him up so that probably explains the unorganized writing! ***

we went y[p the zoo just grandm ABND ME

^--after writing this...tim sat here laughing for 2 minutes straight!!

So yesterday, we went to try on my suit and it was amazing. It fit so well beacuse its custom. makde . it only cost 250 dollarst= and includes 2 pants and a top. The butt was too tight for my fat butt. butt the rest of it was niceeeeee.

We went to the zoo just grandma and me. well not really just tina, her mom, and her unlcue. we got feed a freaking elephant and it was awesome. nobody could reach but me. cuz im white.

i was glad that the monkeys did not throw poop at me. but i was sad that the animals had such small cages and seeed so unhappy except the monkey who were crazzzzyyy. the "asian sunbears" as tina described them looked so miserable. one was panting like crazy and the other was pacing back and forth while tinas mom tried to call it. the otters were also sad because they only had 1 ft of water and room to plaaaayyy. we also took pictures with these fake dinosaurs and tina made me take off my shirt.


everyone in the park was laughing at me and my pasty white rolls. i looked like hawaiian sweet rolls

we then went to the mesuem where there was a freaking cute oj cat. it was mean but nice. it meowed and hissed but came closer to let you pet it.

i miss mina. we had to pay to get into the museum but the sign said 2000 for vietnamese and 15000 for foreigners. so i had to use my skilz and talk viet for the 5 mins so i could save $1. I only said "thank you". they believed it. there was also a sign that said no pictures or touching, but tina and i are OG (her words not mine) so we pictured and touched everything. and tinas uncle played a 1000 year old drum infront of the guard. it was fun. there was also a really cool mummy. probably the first real one ive seen. thats all i have to say about that.

later, we went tot the shopping flea market full of knockoffs and bootlegs. a lot of the vendors told tina and i that we look like siblings.

we ate on the street that night and tinas uncle made them clean the chopsticks in the boiling food. cuz it was gross, just a bunch of nasty buckets used for cleaning. we got to spend more ti\me with tinas grandma and she was so happy to see us back from Hanoi. dont stop believing. thats what tina told me when i tried to give up on this blog.

today, we on the street again. and this probably gave tina her dihareeah that lasted all day and put her to sleep for 5 hours. i was alone so i just sat and cried. and thought of ingram. and watched anime on really slow internets.

tonight, we went to a really fancy restaurant where they sat us at a huge table for 12 (we only had 5). its cuz im whjite. they ate snails. gross. then we went to paaarrrtttaaaaayyyyyyy. we wentto karoka that is. it was 7 doll haris for 2 hours. with a freaking amazing room with a personal bathroom and no peee on the song lists. tinas uncle was craaazzzyyy and knew every viet song imaginable. tinas mom kept getting embaraassed every 5 seconds of singing (like mother like daugehter) they made me drink bia if you cannot tell.

im le tired. i dont even feel like showeringg cuz i barly went outside today and my teeth feel reallay clean cause of the alchoahol. gnight.

Our Trip Within a Trip!

Hello friends,

Sorry we haven't been blogging but we went to Hanoi and Halong Bay this past weekend. It was a 4 day trip where we had to take a plane and drive several hours out to see caves/mountains.

We first got into Hanoi on Thursday night. My mom's cousin, Bac Ha, picked us up and took us to her house. What's cool about Bac Ha is that her whole immediate family works for the circus!!! Her husband was the principal of the circus school! How freaking cool is that? So all of my second cousins are acrobats, jugglers, and tightrope walkers. I told you guys that I had a circus arm for something! I guess I'm supposed to be the contortionist in the family =D

While in Hanoi, we were able to experience the outdoor Vietnam marketplace. It looks so crazy cool cause there are just tents and tables everywhere selling food, toys, household things, etc. I was amazed by all the fresh and bright fruit but then I saw something that made all other marketplace products seem boring and plain. What was it that I saw? IT WAS THIS...


Don't really know what you're looking at? That's a freaking dog burnt to a crisp!!! I screamed in public and all the market people laughed at me.

So then we went and grabbed a hotel for the night. It was HORRENDOUS! We got there and it looked like a hotel that would be in scary movies. The hotel lobby was dark and run down. The rooms had plants growing on the walls, paint peeling off the walls, bugs on the windows, non-working water in the restrooms, holes in the floors, and the bedding was itchy. We were all freaking out so we devised a brilliant plan to get out of the hotel so that we could stay at a nicer place. Please don't judge us when you read this! Well, my mom and I knew that these people weren't that familiar with Tim's breed (Caucasian) so decided to use this to our advantage. I grabbed staining blush and made dots all over Tim's legs to look like he was breaking out. It looked so freaking real that it was scary! We then told the owners that we wouldn't be able to stay because Tim was breaking out. Luckily, they believed us and we bolted out of that place so fast that Olympic runners would feel threatened! Here's a picture of the room. It looks normal here...but it really is a gross place.


The next morning, we started our 3.5 hour drive to Halong Bay. Although it was a long and scary drive (the driving in Vietnam is crazy, remember?) it was totally worth it in the end because Halong Bay was GORGEOUS! I'll be posting several more pictures on facebook later but here are 2 pictures for now just to get your senses going =)


This is the inside of the cave that we visited. There were beautiful lights everywhere. And here is a picture of the outside of the other caves that we saw while we were on a boat tour.


The people at Halong are so persistent that it's creepy. When we drove into the town it was so crazy! We were looking for a hotel so we stopped briefly on a street that had several lodging areas. All of a sudden, swarms of people ran up to our car tapping on it as if we were in some zombie movie. (Linda, to give you a better idea...it was like when all the neon short wearing girls ran up to Tim's car). They all wanted us to stay at their hotels. After learning from the previous day not to stay at just any hotel...my uncle and I made the owners show us the inside of the rooms before agreeing to lodge at their place for the night. We saw three hotels and they were all disgusting. Finally, after a whole hour of searching, we found a four star hotel that was LEGIT!


Now, it's nothing like how a four star American hotel would be...but it was GREAT for Vietnam quality =) The picture above is me in the lobby extremely happy that we wouldn't be staying at hotel where I'd have to sleep with one eye open for fear of a killer coming.

So, that's basically it for our mini vacation...but on to random rants! Anywhere that Tim and I go, family members/workers will tell me that Tim is such a handsome specimen. They then proceed to tell me that my ears/nose/shape of my face promises many fortunes and heaps of money. At least I'll be rich so that I can get all the plastic surgery to get on the same attractive level as Tim in the future! Oh yeah! Let me tell you about the girls here! They have no shame in staring Tim down like he is some hot commodity! I just laugh and always dare Tim to wave at them and smile but he never does it. He's too shy!

Man, I let my balls drop when I'm in Vietnam. People will grab me to try and make me buy things on the street. People will scream at me to get my attention. And overall, people just look at me funny because I look foreign (and because my clothes are probably borderline hoochie mama for their taste). But through all of this...I have perfected my mad-dogging stare AND I will scream back in English, "WTF are you staring at?" I have also caught the Julian Maldonado bug that I will scream, "Hookers" "Hoes" to people that stare me down.

I'm also starting to bargain a lot more at the marketplaces. I'm beginning to grow a little sassy attitude while doing it too! So when I re-enter the states...please don't be annoyed with me when I try and cut deals with you. Just calmly tell me, "A deal is a deal...final offer!" Ha! Ha! I only kid...I doubt I'll be trying to hustle you guys =)

My mom is driving me CRAZY! Don't let this cute creature fool you...she is a horrible traveling companion!
Why is she so horrible? Well, she refuses to sit in the middle of the backseat even though she is the tiniest person there. She wakes us up at 4:30 in the morning everyday with her loud cleaning/preparations for the day. And somehow I always end up carrying all her luggage on top of mine. LOL. My mom is a nut but she has definitely let herself a little loose this trip. She hasn't been stressed out about work and she has been joking a lot more. Not only that...but she's actually eating proper amounts of food each day! And...

homegirl decided to get some crunk in her system and drink some alcohol! Yes, she gets super red after a small sip! By the way, I'm drinking tea in this picture and I don't care if you believe me or not!

OH YEAH! Tim and I are finally pooping like normal people =)

Could This Be the Turning Point? *A blog from Tim's Perspective!*

Tina thought it would be a good idea for me to take a break from my geisha training to blog about my experience in Vietnam to date.

The good:
We finally got out of the house after Tina's sick day and went around town. We ended up going shopping and buying our trip to Ha Long Bay. I put in an order for a custom tailored suit for around $250 US which will look awesome cuz I made it. Tina put in her orders for some designer dresses each costing around $40 US (including fabric) each which will look awesome cuz a designer made it. Also, the sun was finally shining yesterday, so I was able to get a nice tan that rivals Steven Ingram. Too bad my shirt was still on so it's not much different from the same farmers tan I get in Houston.

The food has been amazing thus far. Everything I've grown accustomed to in the US has been thrown out the window because the flavors here are so different. I've eaten more fruit in the past few days than I've ever eaten in my life. From bananas, to coconuts, to dragon fruit, to boob milk fruit. And the best part about all the food I've eaten, is that it's so cheap. For instance this Banh Xeo cost $35,000 dong or roughly under $2 US.
Tina's family has been awesome. Her uncle who is housing us brings us home food for breakfast and dinner every day. Even though we will leave a place at the same time, he will somehow manage to pick up food on his mo-ped before we even get home. Also, that rooster that Tina blogged about that wakes us up every day at 4:30, he called the owners and tried to buy it so that we could sleep in! They told him $1,000,000 dong or around $60 US. He said "why so expensive? I'm just going to eat it!" But apparently, they use it for Cock Fights (cue the SOAD song). The rest of her family has been so nice. They always try to talk to me in what little Viet I know. And her grandma is so sweet.

The bad:
Apparently the shirt that I wore yesterday did not agree with my armpits. So, even though I wore deodorant, it somehow rubbed off all the skin where my hair is. My armpit burns so much every time it rubs against my skin. At least now I'll get some use out of my Goldbond.

The ugly:
So I've been looking for a wife to bring back to the US, but I've been unsuccessful so far. Then yesterday I realized that I was looking in the wrong place. All I had to do was go to the mall and say the word citizenship.

We won't be able to post for a while since our "trip within a trip" starts soon, but I'm sure you guys get the gist of Vietnam.